Don't Jump
by LiKe a dRuG
Summary: And if all that can't hold you back... I'll jump for you.." MelloxNear yaoi smut When Mello runs away from Wammy's Near goes out to look for him.. In the end, can Near stop Mello from jumping?
1. Running

**Title  
**Don't Jump**  
Contents**  
Death Note  
**Pairings**  
MelloxNear  
**Narration  
**Near**  
Summary  
**SongFic. Will Near be able to save Mello from jumping?  
**Disclaimer**  
I do not own Death Note. Trust me, if i did, they'd put that amn notebook to use! ... Sorry my love kira, but you need some interesting deaths in that booklet  
**Warning  
**Yaoi. Angst. Smut.  
**Enjoy**  
--

_"Mello!" He turned around to face me, my vision was blurred by my tears streaming down my pale face. His form seemed to move with the wind soaring over the top of this building. His feet hung at the edge, his look to me was so cold.. Like ice. Making the night colder than it already was. You'd think in situations like this one, it'd be raining, there'd be lighting, there'd be thunder. Nothing. Nothing but the clear dark night. His eyes, they seemed so empty. "Near." His voice struck my being. Not badly, the way he meant it to be. But instead, I took it as him listening to me.. For once in this crazy mix up Mello listened to me. This was Mello's way of asking me what I wanted. I think deep down he knew... "Please don't jump.."_

.:**Three days prior**:.

Why must he be in the room with me? Well, I honestly don't mind him being in here. It IS the common room after all. It's his taunting stare that's getting to me. Why is he looking at me? Does he want something from me? Well if he does than this is a funny way to ask.

"Can I help you?"

"No."

Okay, so he doesn't want anything from me. So why would he be staring? Mello always had a habit of getting to me when no one else could, even without words. That's what I loved about him. He made me feel things that nobody else could make me feel. No, we're not together.. I have a suspition that he and Matt are together. Wouldn't surprise me. Even if I did tell Mello my feelings for him, he could spit in my face about how he's with Matt.. Like I said, this is just my suspitions, nothing was confirmed. I have talked to Matt, he's not as mean or cold as Mello was about things like this. Matt had been open to admit that he was in love with Mello, not realizing how that took the small hope that Mello could be with me away. I pushed the puppet I was playing with over with my index finger, still in my normal position laying on the floor. That's when Rodger called us to his office from the intercom. I knew something was wrong, because of the tone of his voice. Well, Mello rushed out the common room probably to see if he could beat me there while I stayed behind and picked up the toys I was playing with. I walked to Rodger's office with a puzzle, figuring what ever he needed to say couldn't distract me from my thoughts. Matt's words ringing in my head, 'I love Mello'.

I begun to think that Matt would be better for Mello than I ever would. How weak I was, I probably wouldn't be able to take Mello if he wanted to take us a step further. I'd cry, I know I would. I'd ruin it for him. Rodger spoke of L's passing, and said that we were both to follow in his shoes.

"L wasn't strong enough for the kira case.. He was weak."

I couldn't help but blurt it out. My feelings, for the first time in my life, got in the way of my thinking. But I backed it up, saying that he obviously couldn't handle kira if he died. Well... Mello got upset. On the outside he tilted his head forward and said that I could take the position over as L and left, saying he was to leave the house. I didn't believe him at first, but then I heard the door slam behind me. I looked back, then to Rodger who just sat there. I paniced, I couldn't picture Mello leaving. I ran out of Rodger's office, leaving my puzzle one piece from finished.

I looked all over the house, but Mello was nowhere to be found. I finally stopped in Mello's room, falling to my knees, my fists clenching against the floor.

"Idiot... Why did you leave? I would have given you the position... I should have shut my mouth."

Later that night I was still downtrodden about Mello's abscence. I knew he was only gone for a few hours, but it felt like a few years. My fingers brushed the hallway walls as I walked down them in thought. Matt grabbed me from behind, twisted my arm behind my back and slammed me against the wall. I winced of course, a small yelp escaping my throat.

"Where is he!? I KNOW you had something to do with it!!"

Matt was flustered, and I knew why. He felt the pain I felt. I sympathised.

"I...I don't know."

He twisted my arm further, shouting into my ear.

"LIAR! Tell me where he is or I'll break your arm!!"

I shook my head, looking to the floor. I deserved it.

"I don't know where he is."

Matt dropped me, running off in the other direction yelling something about finding him without my help. As Matt left I almost wished he would have broken my arm. Than I would have felt something beyond this horrible guilt and pain..

It must have been passed midnight when I decided to leave. I kicked on my shoes, looking out the window. It was raining, hard. Mello was out there, I knew it. I just didn't know where. All I could think of was Mello shaking in fetal position, sitting against a brick wall. The very thought made me have to hold back tears. I had to find him, had to offer company.. It was my fault he was out there.

I left Wammy's house without even tip-toeing. No one woke up easily in Wammy's house with all the studying they did during the day, not even Rodger. I didn't know where to start looking for him, so I did the most logical thing I could think off. Run. I ran off straight from Wammy's, leading into the city. Then I asked around, describing Mello as best I could. My luck was running out, along with my will to even go back to Wammy's. Then I found him, exactly how I pictured in my head. Shaking in a fetal position... against a brick wall... crying. Or at least it looked like he was. Mello hid himself well in an alley, but it wasn't a match for the way I scrutinized the city. I walked slowly over to him, my eyes holding alot of emotion.

"Mello.. I..I.."

I threw myself to him, but he didn't move or return my hug. I wanted to tell him everything, but I knew that would only make him ridicule me. He pushed me away from him, looking at me in the coldest glare I've ever seen.

"I don't need pitty from someone like you."

His words hit me through the chest. I never knew words could feel so much like daggers.

"Mello.. I came to tell you-"

"What? That I'm weak? Don't think I know that... You don't think I understood why L didn't choose me... You think I don't know what you all think of me.."

I shook my head, Mello's words becoming confusing in my head.

"What? No.. Mello-"

"Shut up Near! You think you're so perfect because you're the top student?! Because L knew he wanted you!? ... I got news for you."

Mello turned, facing away from me. He kept his eyes to the ground, even if I couldn't see his front I knew his expression was in pain.

"No one will care when kira claims over you."

My eyes were left widened with tears falling as I watched Mello run off. My whole being... crushed. And at that moment, I said something I will never understand why.

"_Ashiteru... Miheal Keehl.._"

**--Author's Note--**

**Hehe, nice lil ending for the first chapter.**

**I know, a bit short.**

**But I don't plan for this to be the world's longest fiction. Three chapters maybe.**

**I think that the ending will be the best part of the fiction.**

**YES. THERE WILL BE SMUT. **


	2. Confessions

**Thanks for your favoriting of the story, alerting it, and the review i got x3 makes me feel special.**

**note to I Speak Muffin: o.O yea.. I noticed it too. But go figure, when you're reading MelloxNear it's either fuck-fuck or depressing... or angry XD but you gotta love it.**

**Cont. Ch.2 with Mello POV**

**--**

"No one will care when kira claims over you."

My eyes were left widened with tears falling as I watched Mello run off. My whole being... crushed. And at that moment, I said something I will never understand why.

"_Ashiteru... Miheal Keehl.._"

His footsteps where banging against my ears, even when Mello disappeared into the rain. The world was so cold, the world was so grey, the world... hated me. And Mello made that clear.

-

I could have sworn I heard him say something as I ran off. But what do I care? I don't. He was the one who was so crule to say L was weak, that he couldn't handle kira.. What If I can't be as good as L? Near _was_ the top of the class... I only came in second. I couldn't be better than him, what makes me better than L? When it comes down to it, one of us will be killed by kira.. One of us will have to die so the other may live. And when I think about it, I will be the one to die. I've worked so hard for this day, but fate has a funny way of not working in the way you'd wish it to work. So here I found myself running once again away from my problems, instead of lashing out like I normally would have. If I had lashed out, Near would have talked me down.. Just like before...

_Flashback_

_"Mello, it's alright... Shh, calm down.."_

_I knew why Mello was upset, his friend just died to the hands of kira.. Ray Pember._

_I buried my face in Near's chest, gripping his sleeves tightly. _

_"Ray's gone! He's gone Near! He's never coming to visit again!"_

_I wanted to tell him I knew his pain, but I didn't. I didn't know what it was like to have someone ripped away from me because of kira... But I did recconize feeling alone. That's how I came to the orphanage. My mother didn't love me, and my father didn't want me.. I could comfort Mello in this._

_"I know.."_

_"No you don't! Even if your family doesn't want you-their still there!"_

_"Mello..."_

_He was so hateful... But upset. I wanted him to stop crying. I had to find something..._

_I didn't want to stop crying. I didn't want to go into a calm state just yet, And only if he knew... If he knew what I felt-_

_My lips softly stopped his screaming. I kept my eyes half open, looking into his to show I cared.. He must have been shocked, because he didn't react._

_I was shocked to say the least. In my midst of sobbing over the loss of a friend, Near... He.. Kissed me. My very first kiss.. I wasn't even distracted by the thought my first kiss was to another boy, but to Near..._

_Soon, I wasn't able to cry. Near kept his lips gently against mine, moving only slightly just to give the kiss a bit more feeling.. Still I didn't move, but my whole being seemed to relax in the warmth of his prescence._

_He wasn't returning the kiss, but at least he wasn't crying anymore... I would need a ruse to tell Mello if he was to ask me about it skeptically. I parted our lips and looked at him, smiling softly at the blush on his cheeks._

_"WHAT was THAT?"_

_"...I stopped you from crying..."_

_"By...KISSING me?"_

_All he could do was nod. I wasn't mad, but I couldn't let him know how I felt. We were so young at the time, I had no concept of boys loving boys. To me, only a pretty girl coudl win my heart. But... Near wasn't a pretty girl.._

_Flashback end._

And he still isn't..

I begun to feel bad about what I said. It was so hurtful, one of the worst things I've ever said to him. Sure.. I've cussed at Near before, and yeah I called him names. But nothing like this.. He seemed to look like he was pretty hurt by the words, he even watched me run away from him. I knew Near loved me, I knew of his feelings. I could return them, but at the same time I couldn't accept them. Not yet anyways. Fate had brought me here, fate will tell me when to accept Near. I do hope it gives me time before kira destroys me.. It will happen, I know it. But I've already been through thinking of L, how brilliant he was, and how I couldn't even walk in his shadow.

Tomorrow I'll go back to Wammy's... Just to apologize to Near...

-

I slept in the alley Mello left me last night. I was soaked, the white shirt I was wearing completely showing my chest through it. I yawned upon waking up, my saddened expression still on my face. His words swam through my head from last night, '_No one will care when kira claims you_'. He sighed, standing up.

"Mello... Does this mean.. There's no hope for me?"

Near begun to walk back to Wammy's house, thinking about what a horrible person I was to ever say anything bad about L... In front of Mello too. I deserved this, every second. What made the moment better, Matt was standing outside of Wammy's front steps... Waiting for Mello?

"Matt?"

"Fuck off."

"Matt, I miss him too-"

"No you don't! You don't care about him like I do!"

I couldn't tell him. I couldn't bring it to me to tell Matt everything I felt for Mello.. All I could do was put on a facade. I sat down next to him, but he obviously rejected it. I could hear footsteps somewhere, but I couldn't see anything..

"You're right.. I hate him. I hope he dies."

Matt only stared off the steps, arms folded with his chin resting on them. He knew that's not how I felt.. In a way, I think he knew.. But I hoped he didn't. I heard footsteps again, only this time they seemed to sound like they were running away. Were Mello's footsteps taunting my weiry mind?

"...No you don't..."

I rose an eyebrow and looked to Matt.

"Why not?"

"...Because you love him.."

So Matt knew... I wonder how he found out..

"Mello told me you kissed him... He said he'd never been so warm, or confident in his life before that..."

I nodded, a blush upon my cheeks. A small smile showed on my face.

"I wish I could have been the one to kiss Mello when you did... Because that's when Mello developed his crush on you... He wouldn't shut up about you.. It was almost like he was obessed with what you were doing and how you were doing it... He used to crawl into my bed when he would have flashbacks of before wammy's... But now he walks to your room, and sleeps outside the door..."

My eyes widened with even more guilt. Mello wanted to seek shelter in my prescence? ...And I was the one to make him run away...

-

I couldn't believe my ears... Near..

For whatever reason, hearing Near say he hated me just made me want to finish off what god started. No one in the world would miss me... I'd be saving Kira the hassle of killing me.. I wonder if anyone's noticed my abscence at the orphanage.. I'm sure they haven't.. My fate was to die to kira-but screw kira! I'll finish myself!

--

**Hahaha, suspence ending huh?**

**Poor Matty... Eh, who am I kidding? I don't care about Matt XD**

**Matt's sexy and all.. But he's the most minor character in death note I've ever come across XDDD he's got like... THREE lines!!**


	3. Escape The Fate

**Gah, a week of no internet, no phone, no friends, no contact with other form of human life beyond my family. what to do... OH I KNOW. I'll write!**

**--**

I ran so fast, I couldn't... I couldn't look back now. I could barely see the road ahead of me through my tears. How could he.. How could he be so cold? If before I wasn't sure what I felt, if before all my emotions confused me... I was certain now, my heart was broken. I could literally feel it tearing apart inside my chest. Damn you Near.. Look at what you did to me.. You made me love you.. That's right! I'm not ashamed anymore to say it!! I love Nathan Rivers! Number one! L's successor! Near! ...But he just wants me dead.. I gave so much for him, although he can't see it.. I gave my first kiss to him.. I could have pushed him away, but I didn't. I welcomed it. I was confused yes, but I welcomed his lips on mine.. And now, now that I can admit what I've been running away from, I'd welcome his lips anywhere on my body.. Near would probably laugh at me for it. He'd tell me how weak of a person I am-lesser than L... I know I'm less than L, I've admitted that before. But I don't think I could handle it if Near said the words. He was ready to tell everyone how weak L was, no wonder he wants me dead. I'm so low! Everything inside me bursted as I stopped my tracks in the city.

What's Near looking for? Why did he kiss me that one night..? Why did he comfort me? He must have been testing some feeling in him... Was he testing me? Am I not enough for him? I sat against a wall of a building, staring off into the gutter. What did I do wrong.. Why couldn't I be enough for Near? Tears dripped down my cheek..

_flashback_

_We walked side by side, he told me how walking away from the house always helped him calm down. I held myself together, tears still falling. I couldn't help it, one of the few friends I had in this world had died.. I didn't have many people to me in this world, I didn't even have a family to think about.. They all died when I was very young.. I watched them, I watched as my father raped my sister.. I watched my mother kill her, because she knew it would happen again.. I watched my mother kill herself... I wanted.. I wanted that man to die.. I cried out into the night, not knowing how life could go on after what I saw.. He approached me that night, he was going to do to me what he did to my sister.. My poor innocent sister.. He could care less of the blood on the floor... He wanted to hurt me in the blood.. That's when Ray burst through the door, gun pointing in our direction.. He had me against a wall, my shirt messed up and my pants undone.. Ray saved me. Saved my innocence. Ray killed him. My cry was heard, the bad man died as he held me against the wall. His blood splattered on my skin, but I never felt so much joy or relife. I told Near the story as soon as we were far enough away from Wammy's house.. Near almost looked like he was about to cry.. Which in turn made me cry more and more.. He appologized for saying he understood me, telling me that he could never understand that feeling.. He held me close, I let him.. Then, Near said something I will never forget.._

_"I want to understand you Mello.."_

_end flashback_

I grit my teeth, now he could understand. Near will understand exactly how it feels to have everyone around you die.. No one will love him after I'm gone, I hope that's enough for him..

The next morning I woke up on the cold ground. Near still in my mind. Groggily I stood, looking around.. It was morning alright, but it must have just hit morning.. It looked like It was two am or something close to it, being the sky was still dark. It was still clear though, the only fallback was the wind but it wasn't that bad. Just an occasional gust. This is when I decided what to do.. I climbed the stairs to the national bank of Japan. They zig zagged upward seeming to go on forever. My eyes fixed to the ground the whole way up as I was lost in thought. No one loved me, no one cared anymore. Who would I be hurting? There was Matt.. But to be honest he had so many people with him that he didn't need me constantly bringing him down. At the top of the stairs.. My fate resides. I couldn't escape it..

I had been crying the whole night, cursing myself for letting him slip away. I wasn't in Wammy's anymore, I couldn't go back in that house without thinking about him.. I had been looking for Mello ever since Matt ran back inside, cussing me to die.. I should.. But not until I find Mello, and tell him everything. I ran around the city, not knowing left from right anymore. I had never ventured this far from Wammy's before, I wasn't even sure I knew my way back. None of that mattered to me at the moment, my only worry was where Mello was..

I stopped hearing the soft voice in the distance..

"Only emptiness remains..."

I knew that voice.. Could it be? It had to. I started running up the stairs of the national bank, the voice growing louder.

"It replaces all the pain..."

I ran faster, almost tripping over my own feet. I had to get to the top.

"Won't you come out and play with me..."

The voice was louder, stronger, filled with meaning. I reached the top of the steps, my assumtion of the voice's owner being thankfully right. I stood silent for a moment, watching him as tears fell from his face.

"Step by step... Heart to heart..left right left.. we all fall down.. like toy soilders.."

I took a few steps forward, my eyes worrying as his head tilted back to face the sky. He was hurting, and I was the reason..

"Bit by bit.. torn apart.. I'll never win but the battle wages on-"

"For toy soilders..."

I cut him off. I needed to cut him off..

"Mello!"

He turned around to face me, my vision was blurred by my tears streaming down my pale face. His form seemed to move with the wind soaring over the top of this building. His feet hung at the edge, his look to me was so cold.. Like ice. Making the night colder than it already was. You'd think in situations like this one, it'd be raining, there'd be lighting, there'd be thunder. Nothing. Nothing but the clear dark night. His eyes, they seemed so empty. "Near." His voice struck my being. Not badly, the way he meant it to be. But instead, I took it as him listening to me.. For once in this crazy mix up Mello listened to me. This was Mello's way of asking me what I wanted. I think deep down he knew...

"Please don't jump.."

I stepped closer, he didn't move beyond what he had. I reached out my hand, my form being as pitiful as it could ever be. He looked at me in a glare, finally speaking.

"Why did you come here? I heard what you told Matt.. I know how you feel about me.."

he looked down to the edge. I now knew what that rustling was.. How could I be so stupid as to not investigate.. If only I drew my attention away from convincing someone else I cared for Mello, and placed my attention to him.. I should never had stopped looking..

"Mello I didn't mean-"

"Yes you did. You meant every word.. You're only withdrawing it now to escape your own fate."

I looked up at Mello confused..

"You said.. You wanted to understand me.."

My eyes shot open, i shook my head as the tears poured out.

"No! I don't want to understand like this! I don't want you to die Mello! I don't hate you!"

"Than what am I to you!? What do I mean to you!? How do you feel when you look at me!?"

I yelled, I needed to know. I needed to know, if I could escape my fate.

"I **LOVE** you Miheal Keehl!!"

Near screamed into the night.. Everyone below could hear him, I'm sure even Ray in heaven could hear him.. My eyes were wide, I turned to look at him.. Near was still in the same pathetic position, his hand reaching out to me with tears soaking his face. He almost looked like his being spilt on the floor, similar to his dice fort falling all over the common room floor. My heart seemed to catch in my throat, words were stuck if they were able to form. Slowly, hesitantly, I took his hand..

**--**

**x3 what a nice ending to ch.3**

**THERE WILL BE CHAPTER FOUR.**

**that's the smutty chapter XD**

**I think i'm gunna have a chapter five... I don't think i'll keep the smut and the afterwards in the same chapter.**


End file.
